Ah, Thanksgiving — the one day we gather to give thanks, devour excessive amounts of food, and (if you’re lucky) sidestep awkward family conversations.
But Thanksgiving is also prime time for a little humor, especially when it comes to poking fun at family dynamics, food fails, and just the general chaos that comes with holiday gatherings.
Here are ten Thanksgiving jokes guaranteed to keep you laughing until dessert. So, grab a drumstick or piece of pumpkin pie, settle in, and prepare to gobble up some laughs.
1. Turkey Talkin’ Kindergarten Realizations
Picture this: I was picking up my kindergartner after school, and she couldn’t wait to share the day’s big revelation.
“Mommy!” she chirped in the car. “Today we learned that boys are different from girls.”
My grip on the steering wheel tightened as she continued — I had no clue where this was going to go.
“My teacher said that boys have a ‘thing’ girls don’t.”
I took a deep breath, waiting for what was to come. Then, Mila clarified even further.
“Girls know boys are boys because of this thing that hangs down. And boys puff up when they see a girl they like!”
I could feel my palms sweat, my brain scrambling for words. But she wasn’t done.
“Girls like it when boys’ things move when they walk. Then they get married and get cooked.”
We finally made it home, with me still trying to figure out how I was going to answer any follow-up questions from my child.
But after Mila kicked off her shoes, she proudly pulled out her art project: a crayon sketch of a turkey, tail feathers flared, snood dangling triumphantly.
She glared when I burst out laughing at her “boy.”
But, to this day, Thanksgiving turkeys make me look twice.
2. The Prayerful Player
A 17-year-old boy visits the drugstore before Thanksgiving.
“I’m invited to my girlfriend’s for dinner, and maybe…” he hinted, winking at the pharmacist.
The man slid a box of condoms over the counter.
“Good call,” said the boy, grabbing a second box with a mischievous grin. “Her mom’s pretty attractive, too.”
Fast-forward to Thanksgiving.
The girlfriend’s mom asks him to lead grace. The boy, palms sweating, launches into the longest prayer of his life. His girlfriend leans over.
“I didn’t know you were so religious!” she whispers.
He glances back, horrified.
“I didn’t know your dad was the pharmacist!”
3. Polite Parrot Problems
A woman brought home a parrot only to find it loved to insult her. Terrified it would cause a scene, she braced herself for Thanksgiving with her entire family over.
But, as the family ate, the parrot stayed silent. Afterward, it turned to her.
“I apologize for my previous behavior. I was out of line.”
The woman blinked, stunned.
“Well, thank you,” she said.
“If I may ask,” the parrot said gravely, “what on Earth did that turkey say to you?”
4. Morning Farts and Thanksgiving Guts
An older man loved his morning ritual — letting out a thunderous fart, much to his wife’s dismay.
“One of these days, you’ll fart your guts out,” she warned him daily.
Then, on Thanksgiving morning, she had an idea.
Armed with turkey innards, she tiptoed to his bedside, slipped the guts into his underpants, and waited. The man could sleep through anything and didn’t feel it.
Until…
Moments later, after his fart of the day, he thundered down the stairs, pale and wide-eyed.
“Honey, you were right about the guts. I finally did it.”
He lifted his hands in the air.
“But thank God, I pushed them all back up there!”
5. Family Ties Get… Complicated
Timmy decided that Thanksgiving was the right time to tell his parents he’d been dating Joyce for two months.
His dad paled and almost choked on his drink.
“Is this Susan’s daughter? Susan from down the road?”
Timmy nodded while his dad sighed.
“Son, you can’t date her. Back in the day, I was… well, I was close with Susan. Joyce could be your sister.”
Heartbroken, Timmy went to his mother for advice later.
“Don’t listen to him, honey,” she said, rolling her eyes. “He’s not even your real dad.”
6. Turkey Troubles for Him, Driving for Her
Determined to handle the Thanksgiving turkey himself this year, a man headed to the kitchen. Within minutes, his wife was behind him, nagging over his every move.
Finally, he turned, exasperated.
“Honey, please, just calm down! I know what I’m doing. No need to lose your mind!”
She grinned, satisfied.
“Well, now you know how I feel whenever I’m driving with you in the passenger seat.”
7. The Divorce That Never Was
An elderly man calls his son in New York.
“Son, your mother and I are getting a divorce. Forty-five years of misery is enough.”
“What?” his son gasped.
“We’re sick of each other. Call your sister and let her know. I can’t talk about it anymore.”
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who shouts into the phone.
“Like heck they’re getting divorced.”
She immediately phones her father back.
“You and Mom are not getting divorced! We’ll be there over the long weekend. Don’t do anything until we get there!”
The old man hangs up, smiling at his wife.
“They’re coming for Thanksgiving. And they’re paying for their own fares.”
“Don’t worry,” she laughed. “I’ll play sick for Christmas.”
8. A Trick Up Dad’s Sleeve
Gemma’s grandmother arrived for Thanksgiving, and Gemma greeted her warmly.
“Now maybe Daddy will do that trick he was talking about!”
Grandma raised an eyebrow.
“What trick, honey?” she asked.
Gemma’s father perked up too, curious to see where this was going.
“Oh, I heard him say that he’d climb the wall if you came to visit.”
Everyone was silent for a moment.
“You know, like Spiderman!” she gushed.
9. Turkey Goes Out for the Team
During practice, a turkey strutted up to the football coach, demanding a tryout.
“Are you crazy?” the coach yelled. “What are you doing?”
The turkey took off toward the football, making a stellar catch. Suddenly, the coach shouted across the field.
“How much do you want for the season?”
The turkey smiled.
“Forget the money, man. Does the season go past Thanksgiving?”
10. The Quest for the Biggest Turkey
Panicking before Thanksgiving, a man found himself in the grocery store, scouring the shelves for the biggest turkey he could find.
When he couldn’t spot one large enough, he waved down a stock boy.
“Don’t these turkeys get any bigger, boy?”
The boy looked at him with a straight face.
“No, sir. They’re dead.”
Thanksgiving may be about turkey and gratitude, but it’s also about those wild moments that remind us just how weirdly wonderful family can be.
Whether it’s prayers you didn’t see coming, mysterious “sister” discoveries, or that classic Thanksgiving fumble in the kitchen, we’ve all got stories we’ll be laughing about years down the line.
This year, may you savor the turkey and the memories. And if you’re lucky, avoid any surprise innards in your underpants!
Still keen for a few more laughs? Here’s another list of funnies for you |
Golden Years Humor: 7 Jokes about Grandmas and Grandpas
Let’s face it, grandparents hold a special place in our hearts, with their wisdom, love, and sometimes, their hilariously quirky ways. They remind us that age is nothing but a number and laughter is the best medicine (it’s free, too!).
Here are some delightful stories that highlight the humor and love that comes with living a long and interesting life. Good luck getting through this without laughing!
1. Dear Old George’s Annual Check-Up
Without fail, George went for his annual check-up every year. He prided himself on staying fit and healthy by going on walks in the neighborhood, though age had taken its toll on his eyesight.
After his check-up, George sat and chattered with his doctor, proudly telling Dr. Stephens about his latest discovery.
“Doc, I’m blessed,” he said. “God knows my eyesight is going, so he puts on the light when I pee, and turns it off when I’m done!”
The doctor chuckled, but a nagging curiosity led him to call George’s wife later that day.
